The Double-Edged Sword

“Sorcery is a sword without its hilt. There is no safe way to grasp it”.

My name is Ryuko Matoi. I could be described as ill by a few but I’m not.

Some of us are quite familiar with the fad of spacing out after this guy who has been on our tab has had a piece of the Nunuz. Not by any fault of ours but they’re engineered that way I guess.  Probably why we’re advised to stall and hold on to the cookie long enough to have him interested in our personalities and every other thing we’re about.
You see we must also understand that Life didn’t come with manuals as such we write our rules based on our self-preservation and also remember that no two situations are similar even if they look like so.
Moving on to the main course of this illness some people might be familiar with.

I could accord this illness to my first point of contact which wasn’t a pleasant experience or something to cling to but like they say, ‘first times are hard to forget’.
This double-edged sword of mine is my ability to detach myself once I’ve been bitten by the ‘see finish bug’. This could be a result of having had intercourse or having seen a person in all his high and lows and to my realization, there’s nothing fascinating enough to hold a fickle of my imagination or attention. I’ve found myself into a person but after intercourse, the candlelight goes off. I’ve also found myself into a person that after intercourse the interest doubles. I can tell from the start when I’m going to have an addiction problem or a bug problem.
I’m not at liberty to disclose to the objects in question for fear of dehumanizing them by robbing them off the right to ‘man me’, so I play along and pretend to be vulnerable and weak and give them that false sense of power and control over me. As much as I know who runs the world I like to be manned, it’s a thrilling experience. However short or long it might be. The long ones usually are the case of addiction.
Addiction to me comes easy you see. When I like a song, I listen to it a billion times a day till I tire of it, that way it has no control over me, ever again. My own way of being always in control of the events that occur. There’s a flaw in that though.
Only a few are at liberty to move around, in and out of my life at will. I’ve likened my love for songs to practically everything around me for self-preservation.

I am Ryuko and this double-edged sword of mine I’ve learned to wield.